


through the looking glass

by vyridian



Series: the spindle and the spinning wheel [2]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Ending, Angst, Broken Heart, F/M, Happy Ending?, One Shot, One Shot Collection, Re-imagining, Solavellan, Tresspasser, Unresolved Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-16
Updated: 2015-09-16
Packaged: 2018-04-21 00:35:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4808147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vyridian/pseuds/vyridian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternate ending to Tresspasser.</p>
            </blockquote>





	through the looking glass

"I suspect you have questions." he says and tilts his head to the side with a sad smile.

This is it.

She has imagined this moment every night for two years. She saw herself striding up to him confidently, looking him in the eyes with steely conviction. He always broke down, begged her forgiveness, and she would throw his parting words back at him before walking out on him for good.

 _Let him chase me now,_ she would think in her bed as she angrily brushed away the tears.

And to be sure, when Viddasala had named him as the agent, her heart had stopped. She felt a coursing fury at yet another betrayal by him. It spurred her, fueling her as she cut down the masses of Qunari and threw herself through the eluvians to find him. Not even the crippling pain of the Anchor would deter her. If anything, it urged her on, suddenly painfully aware of how it ticked away at her lifeforce. She would not die before confronting him.

But then he turned around and two years worth of aching came crashing down on her. Instead of rage, she felt tired.  _  
_

_Loving you has been so exhausting..._  

A voice inside of her scolds her, telling her not to back down. Two years of silence, wondering, grief. Nights full of dreams where she runs after him, calling his name, falling to the snowy ground sobbing, and he does not turn around. Nights spent drinking, then hiding the empty bottles that pile up in her wardrobe. 

But she was never going to win, in the end, and perhaps she always knew it. He stands before her, more magnificent than before, and she cannot turn away. She yields to him as she always has.

"Why?" her broken voice rasps.

A flash of pain comes across his face and he looks ashamed for a moment.

Solas has been taking her in the whole time she has stood there before him, etching her every feature into his mind. She is not as he remembered.

The woman he walked away from was full of life, spirit, her violet eyes twinkling like rare gems from some ancient thaig. But the woman he sees now is changed. She is more serious, her shoulders sag a little as if burdened by some invisible weight. Her cheeks look a little more hollow to him and there is a slight shadow under her eyes. He looks into those same purple jewels and finds the light has been snuffed out.

Guilt threatens to suffocate him. 

Two years of remorse and blame make knots in his stomach and a tightening in his chest. He has broken her. 

He expected something else. Anger, perhaps. Maybe even some physical violence. He would not have stopped her. He wants her to punish him for his crime. He _needs_ it.

And yet here she is, the only one he has ever loved, and she is not yelling or throttling him. But that one word is worse than any of it. It cuts him deeper than any blade could and the sad tone hurts his ears more than her yelling would.

She is crying now. Tired eyes looking at him, waiting for an answer, tears falling freely.

"Come on, Solas," she whispers, pleading creeping into her voice, "I can't wonder anymore. I just want to know why I wasn't worth it."

He hopes when all this is over, that he will die. He hopes it is slow and he hopes they spare him no mercy. 

"It is  _I_ who am not worthy of you." he manages to say.

She just looks at him, a hint of anger in her eyes. 

_What a cop out._

He can't do this to her anymore. So he tells her. He tells her the truth of who he is and what he has set out to do. He answers her questions when they come up. He doesn't deserve it, but he feels some measure of relief knowing that he is tying up the loose ends for her. Perhaps now she can find closure, and though it pains him, move on.

But his vhenan does not give up so easily.

"I want to go with you." she tells him firmly.

He shakes his head at that and she feels her heart lurch.

It's Crestwood again.

She senses it. He's going to run. She is like a hunter who has stepped on a branch and this is the moment where both halla and hunter look at each other. If she takes another step, he will run away.

"I cannot do that you, vhenan." he says as he turns away from her, no longer able to face her pain.

_Coward._

"But you would do it to yourself? I can't bear to think of you alone." comes her soft, sad voice from behind him.

He closes his eyes, fighting the rising urge to indulge her.

She is so close, and though she is bloodied from battle, the wind carries the light, lingering scent of jasmine that is unique to her. The smell takes him back to their nights together, long fingers running through strands of silver hair, burning kisses peppering his skin. Sparkling eyes in the light of the veilfire lamps he would light, looking at him with pure adoration. "I love you." she would tell him before drifting to sleep. He would drift to the soft sound of her breathing and the light perfume of jasmine in the night air.

For a brief moment in time he had been a real god, and she had given him access to heaven and all of its splendour. 

_And in turn, you gave her hell._

"I walk the din'anshiral. There is only death on this journey. I would not have you see what I become." he says resolutely, steeling his heart.

The latent anger comes.

"You are a hypocrite!" she lashes out angrily. "All this talk about freedom and the ability to choose, and you don't even follow through with that."

He turns, surprised by her words. His mouth opens to respond but she cuts across him.

"You scorn the Qun for making decisions for its people, and yet here you are making them for me. I don't remember giving you the pen to write my script!"

Her fists are clenched and her eyes are ice.

"Where was my choice in all of this, Solas? When did you allow me to choose for myself if I should follow you or not?" she continued angrily. 

"Vhenan-" he whispers weakly, his face blanching.

"No!" she shouts, the Anchor flaring up dangerously. "I fell in love with you. I wanted,  _want,_ to be with you. Two years of torturing myself and a heart that wouldn't stop bleeding for you. Two fucking years!" _  
_

He stands stone still, horrified.

"You say you broke the chains of those who came to you. But can you break mine? My heart is bound by chains too. And every time you walk away those chains tighten until I can't even breathe without it hurting."

And suddenly she deflates. The tears brimming in her eyes extinguish the fire inside of her.

"I don't have forever, Solas. I'm not one of the Elvhen. Two years is too long to feel like a ghost." she says mournfully. "You took away my choice and I suffered for it. I won't let you do it again."

It takes two strides and he is on her, arms tightly around her. She crumbles in his embrace, openly crying, her small frame shaking violently. 

"Aeris," he whispers, stroking her hair soothingly. "Ma vhenan."

She pulls her head back and looks at him.

"I am coming with you."

He cannot deny her anymore. He will not contribute to her suffering any longer. He was foolish to believe that removing the vallaslin was the thing that "freed" her, when the whole time he was marking her in other more permanent ways.

"The Anchor must first be removed." he tells her. "I am afraid I cannot simply remove the mark without taking the arm as well.."

She hesitates for a moment but then nods and extends it towards him.

"Then cast your spell." she says, echoing words of another time when he removed yet another mark from her.

When he is done, she stands a bit awkwardly, self conscious of her sudden handicap.

But to him, she has never been more beautiful. The trials of her life have shaped her into the resplendent woman she is, like a wild rose growing despite the unlikely conditions surrounding it.

He kisses her for the first time in two years and the struggles she has gone through since then wash away for a moment.

She is 26 again and Solas has just taken her to the balcony in her room and they are standing in the golden afternoon's sunlight. He is kissing her and she is full of life and love and kisses him back enthusiastically.

"Ar lath, ma vhenan."

He gently takes her remaining hand and together they walk through the eluvian. 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
